I made two New Year’s resolutions. My dad pointed out that these weren’t necessarily the most exciting aspirations ever, but never the less, I’m endeavouring to stick to them.
The first one is to get my children to school on time. I had come to accept this was impossible in 2023 but I was ready to try again this year. So far, despite some tears, the kids have been in school on time (or at least very nearly on time) every day of 2024 and that is really quite a miracle.
The second resolution was to get rid of a lot of stuff from my house.
I have so much stuff, so many things, clutter everywhere.
Every windowsill, surface top and drawer is full of little trinkets, cards, candles, photos, pens, paper, letters, toys etc. My house isn’t especially untidy but it’s very very full and the difficulty is now when I try to tidy things I have run out of space to tidy them away to. (Random photo of my children dancing, but clutter is obvious.)
Thing is, despite me forgetting what I did yesterday, I can remember everything about almost every item. I remember that person A gave me that trinket in August 2012, I remember that person B gave that book to Joel when he was baptised, or that toy was given to Freddie when he was born. Etc etc… Somehow throwing away said thing is in some way insulting to ‘person A or B’ and I feel too guilty to get rid of it, (even though realistically person A probably doesn’t even remember the gift.)
In most couples one person finds it’s easier to clear the house of ‘stuff’ but the problem was both Andrew and I had the inclination to hoard. I realised yesterday it has been firmly passed on to my children. I decided to get rid of our high chair. Freddie is 4 and hasn’t sat in it for more than 2 years. I dithered for a while but eventually decided it was time to go, we don’t use it and it’s taking up space. When Joel came home from school he asked why it was sitting out and explained I was getting rid of it. Poor little Joel was very sad and said ‘oh mummy, you can’t get rid of that, think of all the memories!’ He relayed some memories of Freddie sitting in it and throwing food, Joel had laughed and I’d been exasperated! He also talked about some videos he watched of himself in the high chair, one where he fell asleep and one where he was covered in food.
Somehow giving away the high chair was like destroying the memory and that moment in time disappearing.
I remember a friend telling us about getting rid of all the children’s books in their house since his children had grown well past the age of reading them. His wife then went to the charity shop where he’d left them and bought them all back!
There’s also always the chance that the stuff might be useful again too. Last year I put on a pantomime in my church and managed to costume almost the whole cast with stuff from my attic!
A little while ago I found the remnants of Andrew’s optunes (the special medical cap he wore on his head the last year of his life.) I certainly didn’t need them, or want them and they didn’t even bring back wonderful memories, but I still found it hard to throw them away, because they were part of such a big journey and time in our life. Somehow they represented the fight to keep him alive and all the time I spent carefully placing them on his head instead of a date night or just watching the tv like most couples!
The famous Marie Kondo would have you believe if the item doesn’t ‘spark joy’ you need not keep it. But what if it sparks memories, comfort, a particular person or memories of a certain time? This stuff represents so much more than what it actually is.
I know that stuff is just that- stuff. Sometimes I think about people in warn torn places having to flee with just what they have on their back and yet I fill the boot for one over night stay. When you die that stuff will not be any use to you and as the saying goes ‘you can’t take it with you.’ Even the Bible warns of storing too many earthly possessions.
So, I will endeavour to continue my 2024 resolution of trying to rid myself of ‘stuff.’ But I suspect I won’t be a minimalist any time soon!
Over and out,
Ruth
Very good as always